This is the last goodbye

Went out with Shaman last night. Things between us have been a bit odd after the confession but everything seems to be back on track now. Last night was supposed to be the bye for now night until after New Year when I’ll come back home. Little did I know how different the goodbye would actually be.

Shaman has a girlfriend. He’s been with her as long as I’ve known him but there have been various problems among the two of them. I don’t know her that well (only met her once) but to me it seems she’s not too sure what she wants to do in life and whether Shaman is the man of her life. She left the country about half a year ago and they broke up for a while but last night I learned that she will return with him after Christmas and later on next year they will go back home for good.

This will obviously change everything between us two. We have been the closest friends ever for the last few months. So close that half of his friends think there’s something going on. So close that I’ve slept on the same bed with him loads of times and cried on his arms when life’s been kicking me in the head and vice versa of course.

The girlfriend is a bit of a jealous type. So last night I finally had to say it loud. Many things will change the next time I see him. We can never go for a late night swim, just the two of us. No longer can we meet at 4 o’clock in the morning just to catch the sun rising.

I think Shaman only realised how different it will be when I said it. It made us both very sad. So in the end of the night, never minding all the curious looks, we danced the last song together and gave each other one last hug before we parted, in a sense for good.

I will miss him so bad. He’s been there when everyone else has turned their backs on me. He’s made me laugh when I thought there was nothing to be happy about. He was there on those lonely Thursday nights without me even asking him. He means the world to me. I love him, full stop.

I hope he’ll finally achieve the peace inside of him that he has so vigorously been looking for. I hope the girlfriend will finally have her mind made up and that she’ll make him the happiest man on Earth again. He deserves every bit of happiness and joy there is.

What most, I hope that wherever we are, whoever we are with and whatever the situation is, we’ll never lose contact with each other. This has to last forever.